My Tourniquet
by They Call Me Alex
Summary: I'm sorry guys. Really sorry. Being continued by Pendragon.P a s s i o n
1. The Dark

**A/N: I have serious writer's block for my other story, so I'm starting this new one. It's my first Alex Rider story, and I need all the help I can get.**

**Disclaimer: My first name is Alex. Does that make me Alex Rider? If I am Alex Rider, I can't own him…awww. I'm also a girl…and not British…and if I was a spy I didn't know it…**

* * *

_Chapter One: The Dark_

When Alex was little, like most children, he had been afraid of the little things. Characters in story books, loud noises. But he had especially been afraid of the dark. It had haunted him, swallowing him up as soon as he was in its clutches. He had begged Ian to buy him a bedside light, and after a few reminders, he had gotten Jack to go out and get one.

Now, the darkness had become his friend.

Alex sat on the window seat in his bedroom. His big, empty bedroom. The moonlight spilled through the open glass and reflected off the white walls, making it look pallid and ghostly. He closed his eyes, leaning his cheek against the cold window frame. Music filled the room quietly, making the atmosphere almost livable.

_I tried to kill the pain But only brought more_

_(So much more)_

_I lay dying_

_And I'm pouring_

_Crimson regret_

_And betrayal_

_I'm dying (dying)_

_Praying (praying)_

_Bleeding (bleeding)_

_And screaming_

_Am I too lost, to be saved_

_Am I too lost?_

The house, so big, was empty. It had been deserted long ago. But Alex was back. He was awaiting a phone call from Mrs. Jones, telling him where he was supposed to go. He didn't want to go anywhere, but its not like he had a choice, did he?

Alex was sick of being pushed around; moved off and thrown away like a paper doll. He needed his solitude.

He pushed up the sleeves of his gray jumper and traced the many scars with his finger. They had become pail and thin, even the newer ones didn't hurt anymore. They were his battle scars; reminders.

Alex's brown eyes were itchy and tired, but as soon as he closed his eyes, his mobile rang, unusually loud to Alex's ears. He hesitated before answering; knowing what he was about to hear, and he wouldn't like it.

"Hello?" The spy answered dully.

* * *

**A/N: So there you go! Sorry it's a bit short, but the next chapter will be longer! I got the idea when mum and dad were out and the house was really quiet.**

**Also, the song was "Tourniquet" by "Evanescence"**


	2. Innocence

**A/N: Oh my gosh, you guys! This Fandom is way better than the Harry Potter kingdom because the good response I got for the first chapter blew my mind away! Wow! You guys are awesome, and this next chapter is dedicated to all you readers!**

**I would've updated much more sooner but my comp broke down…it's better now though, stupid piece of elephant crap.**

**I wrote this while listening to Before the Dawn, which is also by Evanescence. I suggest you add that to your playlist too ;)**

**Disclaimer: I wonder if Anthony Horowitz reads fanfiction…cause obviously he owns Alex Rider not me. So there.**

* * *

_Chapter Two: Innocence_

The rain seemed to be bucketing from the sky- a string had been pulled and now it rained on the earth, showering anything in its wet blanket. It gave the dull atmosphere some kind of life, as the water ran down leaves and petals, sustaining the earth.

Alex sighed, blowing fair hair out of his eyes. His earphones blasted out music, blocking out the world, if only for a little while.

_My wounds cry for the grave_

_And my soul cries for deliverance_

_Will I be denied Christ?_

_Tourniquet_

_My suicide_

His heart hurt with unheard sorrow, a lost friend never to return, but as the car rolled on in the early dawn, Alex felt calm. The driver was talking to him, but it was just blurring noise as the ending to _Tourniquet_ soothed his mind. Alex was half-asleep and when the car pulled up into a long gravel driveway a pair of rough but not ungentle hands shook him awake.

The dawn was a sinister blood red, splotches of orange and pink covered the sky like dye on silk.

The pale light reflected off of Alex's skin as he walked down the dirt road toward a cluster of brick buildings with his escort. They entered an old, office like building with pale white walls and a pallid gray wooden floor, so that your steps echoed tenfold. He was told to sit down by a middle-aged woman sitting at the desk, and he did, not bothering to turn his head as his MI6 escort left.

The spy sat quietly, clutching his small bag of clothes to his chest, almost protectively, as if it was holding the scattered pieces of himself together. He fidgeted with a fraying edge of the bag's handle until a man stormed down the discreet hallway that the teen hadn't noticed until now. The door burst open and the secretary jumped, nervous in the figure presence.

"_Rider!_" The man yelled with vocals like a devil.

"You were here before, and you're here now. I wanted to bin you before, and I still do. _Understood_?" Alex could feel a sarcastic comment coming on, but held it back by biting his tongue. "Yes sir!"

"You will be staying with K-Unit, you _will _be known as Cub and you will _not _mess this up! Understood?" "Yes sir." Alex replied once again, this time with less vigor. "You know where to go so, _dismissed_!" He yelled, and pointed toward the door.

Alex took this as a signal to leave. He quickly grabbed his bag and chucked it over his shoulder before he was out the cheap door.

* * *

The wind and rain accompanied the dawn, greeting K-Unit as they woke. The dorms frail walls shook with force as the gales beat against it, struggling to reach and tear that inside. Wolf and Snake were already up and showered. Eagle and Fox both stretched to put on their combat uniform while keeping warm- the frail structure gave nothing but damp coldness, but that's what you'd expect at a military camp.

A clap of thunder shook the dorm, but that wasn't what made the Unit jump. The wooden doors had burst open with unknown strength, and a dark ghostly figure had appeared between them. "Jesus!" Fox cried, squinting his eyes to see past the thick rain.

"No, actually," A slick voice that seemed small through the pour chuckled. "It's just me, but I'm told we have a striking resemblance."

"_Cub_?" The Unit cried, but the distaste was obvious on Wolf's handsome face.

"What are you doing here?" Fox asked softly, he was confused like everyone else. The wind seemed to roar in protest as Alex closed the doors, and threw his small bag on the remaining bed. If you could call it that.

The pallid walls shook with supposed terror, threatening to cave in. "That's classified." The blond said dully, dull like everything else in his life at the moment. Of course it wasn't classified, but it was a good excuse not to talk.

Alex turned around to face the SAS Unit face on. "I didn't want to get sent here, it's not my fault, take it out on me if you want. I know you're gonna do it anyway." With that the teen grabbed his bag and went toward the bathroom, preferring not to show his scars when he got changed. It's not like they were going to worry anyway.

He closed the door gently and looked around the small room. It was tiled, with a toilet, a sink with complete cabinet, and a shower. Above the sink was a long rectangular mirror. Alex rested his elbows and looked into his reflection. His eyes seemed to scream at him, hating him.

_You are such a loser!_

He whispered the words over and over. But they still meant the same thing.

_I hate you._

The spies brown eyes were shallow and empty. He had grown up a lot since his first mission.

He quickly pulled off the gray jumper, and the T-shirt beneath it. Alex's eyes grazed along the small bullet wound. It was red and it throbbed but Alex didn't mind- he was used to the pain. The scars on his forearms and wrists proved that.

Alex blinked, distracting himself from the temptation. _Jack was gone, and he was in hell but no amount of blood was going to change that._ Once he was changed, the reflection in the mirror seemed to shimmer. _You packed your razors didn't you? _It was screaming at him again. Alex felt himself give in, reaching toward the bag on the floor-

There was a knock at the door. "Cub?" Came a gruff voice, ripping Alex from his virtue. Alex wiped away the tears and opened the door, suddenly face-to-face with an annoyed Wolf.

"I'm done," he said in a small voice.

Obviously, since it was Sunday, all SAS Units had a day off. Alex was glad, not bothering with breakfast, he flopped down onto the bed and tried to fall asleep, succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: How did you like it? Sorry if it's still a bit short, but I'll get better as it goes along. I love the song ****Ignorance**** by ****Paramore****!**


	3. Nightmares

**A/N: I'm so, so sorry! I meant to update straight away, but my computer broke down again! And then I was too lazy to bother, and then I had school, and then my cat died (Just kidding, I don't have a cat.)**

**I updated because it's my birthday (Sept 17****th****)**** My Birthday present to me! I would really appreciate it if you wished me a happy day… so what if it's a bit late?**

**BTW, the version of **_**Tourniquet **_**I used in the earlier chapters was the **_**Demo 2003~ 2004 **_**version.**

**Disclaimer: No, nope, nup, nada, zero. It's not mine. In fact, the only AR book I own is Point Blanc.**

* * *

_Chapter Three: Nightmare_

The mental pain was agonizing- it ripped out his heart and ate it in front of his eyes. His nightmares had come to haunt him, dragging him down, submerging him.

"_I'll miss you." Alex whispered, not trusting himself for words. Whenever, either before or after missions, the housekeeper had always been there- sticking up for him or worrying for him- always. "Oh, Alex!" Jack cried, lacing her arms around his neck in a crushing hug. The smell of airport hung in the air, always reminding the spy of what he once took for granted. _

He had lost everything, and the only thing that had chose to stay was the pain.

He woke, short in breath and shivering.

Alex blinked sweat out of his eyes and groped for the watch on his bedside table. It read twelve thirty, and the teen knew that K- Unit would soon be back from lunch. Determined to take his mind off things, he felt under his bed for a box, which took awhile to find, but was soon hastily pulled out from underneath the low mattress.

Alex's face lit up in a guilty triumph. He pulled the lid off and his stomach growled in protest as he took out a Snickers Bar, quickly pulled off the wrapper and scoffed it down.

Placing the box back, he reluctantly stood, back aching from the hard, thin mattress they were forced to sleep on. The rain had cleared, but gray rain clouds had come to play, teasingly covering the sky, as if meaning to keep everyone guessing about the weather.

Alex's thoughts were torn away from the sky when the door burst open and K- Unit lazily teemed inside. Wolf was clearly ignoring him, seeming mildly interested in lighting a cigarette, but the others looked at the teenager thoughtfully and curiously.

Alex felt as if he were reading their minds.

"I know what you're thinking." Alex said silkily, carefully tugging his gray jumper over his wrists.

"Darn right!"

"Look, kid, what Wolf means is that we will be _glad to have you back. _It's just real sudden, is all." Fox consoled, sending said team member an icy glare. The large caucasion man ignored the glance, but still shifted uneasily.

"What's that you got on your face?"

Alex rubbed his cheeks sub consciously and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

*******

The next day's weather was pretty much the same as it had been before; drizzly and cold. Just the perfect day for a SAS assault course.

It was still freezing, but Alex found himself wet and covered in mud, sweating as he crawled on his elbows to get underneath a net. He spared an upward glance and saw the rest of the unit weren't all the far from where he was now. They were taking in turns to help eachother up a rock wall. Alex sighed, and continued to crawl.

His hands and wrists were dirty and sore, but he finally managed to finish the course. Panting, he closed his eyes and reached for the drink bottle he knew was there.

Only it wasn't.

Hell.

He opened his eyes and stared around at the small room where SAS trainees refreshed between "Activities". (As the drill sergeant liked to call them.)

His Billabong water bottle had disappeared, and he was in dire need for a drink.

Hell.

Alex spotted a plastic PowerAde bottle sitting on a bench a while away. The teen looked shiftily behind his shoulder before grabbing it. Then he quickly started splashing the lukewarm water on his sore wrists, before the actual owner came back.

"What are you doin' kid?" A gruff voice demanded.

Alex jumped as a callused hand grabbed his shoulder, roughly spinning him on the spot.

It was Snake.

Ah, Hell.

Alex quickly hugged his wet arms to his chest, hiding them from the medic. He was still holding the water bottle, and whatever his face looked liked to the soldier, he hoped it was apologetic.

"I-I'm sorry," he rushed. "I couldn't find my water bottle, and I was thirsty…"

Snake's face took a weird shape, and Alex thought for a second that it was pity, but Alex reminded himself it was K Unit and wondered what the man was thinking.

"It's fine, Cub." Snake had always ignored Alex, and he was sure after this incident, he would continue too. Hopefully.

"What's wrong?" The question pulled Alex back to reality and he hesitated before answering.

"N-Nothing!" The spy replied a bit too quickly and he knew Snake was starting to get a bit suspicious. He held out the battered water bottle and the soldier took it.

"What's that on your arm?" He asked. Alex gasped, crossing his arms again.

The medic's eyes narrowed, and he held his hand out patiently. "Cub-"

"It's nothing!" Alex squeaked.

"-I have a right to know," Snake warned. Alex was beginning to get flustered, and he willed himself not to get emotional. Snakes hand shot out and grabbed his forearm, and Alex got startled. "Stop- please!" He cried. But snake wasn't listening. He was staring at Alex's wrist, eyes wide. "How long have you been doing this?" He demanded. Alex was surprised by the show of emotion and responded angrily, "why do you care?"

"I just do, now answer me! How long have you been doing this?"

Snake, had dealt with adults with addictions before, but never with a teenage boy, and had no idea how to act.

_It couldn't be healthy for the poor kid, could it?_

*******

Even though Alex was at least ten years younger than all the other recruits and trainees, he was still forced to work as hard as the rest of K Unit.

Alex had made Snake promise not to tell anyone about their encounter. He didn't know exactly why, because they wouldn't care, would they? Snake only probably cared because he might pull the rest of the team down in an exercise…yeah that was it.

Thoughts in turmoil, Alex sat by himself in a small corner table. The Mess Hall was spacious, but noisy with clinking cutlery and complaints about the food. The spy gingerly poked at his slop, wondering if he should eat or not. He still had a couple of Mars Bars left in the shoebox under his bed…

"Hey Double 0 Nothing!" A voice cried quite clearly through the other blurry conversations. Alex was in no mood for Wolf's unsavory actions, and ignored the unit leader. Which meant there was hell to be paid when he got back to the dorms. Possibly sooner.

Alex closed his eyes and sighed. His wrists were raw and the bullet wound above his heart throbbed, along with a blasting headache.

The blond stood up, grabbed his iPod and left the hall, hoping to get an early shower in before the other men used up all the lukewarm water they had.

As Alex's eyes were diverted from where he was going, a stray foot collided with his path and Alex stumbled before he fell. Instinctively, he put out his palms to save his fall. Pain jarred all up the teen's tired arms.

He sat with an _oof_.

Wolf laughed loudly, like a ten-year-old that had got back his rival in class. Alex stood up, brushing himself off hastily. He felt Fox's, Eagle's and Snake's sympathetic stares, but chose to ignore them. He could get through on his own. He didn't need their pity.

He left the hall with a straight back.

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**So there you are… Did you like it? Do I need to do more research? Should I put more lyrics in? I can't do this without your help!**

**Hades Krazy Daughter**


	4. Salvation

**A/N: This is the fourth chapter! And I can't believe the response I got! So far, I've had an average of eleven reviews per chapter! Wow! Thank you so, so much! You guys are AWESOME!**

**Disclaimer: If you haven't gotten the message so far, you're either extremely stupid or dead. I obviously don't own anything to do with Alex Rider. Except the second book. And a poster. But that's beside the point.**

**Warnings: **_**There will be a cutting scene in this chapter. **_**If you can't take the severe depression of a fourteen-year-old boy, I think you might not want to read this. Peace! And please don't try and cut yourselves at home! I don't want to be held responcible!**

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_Chapter Four: Salvation_

For the rest of the week, Snake kept on shooting Alex secretive, pity filled glances. The teen pointedly ignored them, hoping Snake would leave him alone in the shadows of his own. He didn't need anyone to join him.  
He had been on his own long enough and survived. Why would he need help now?

It was supposed to be spring, but the rain clouds continued to blanket the sky over Breacon Beacons, keeping the air thick and cool. Sun spilled through a gap in the clouds, making the ground was alive and glittering with morning dew as the whole camp made their way to the Mess Hall, the dirt ground crunching underneath their combat boots as they made the path.

Alex felt dead on his feet. Over exercising and not enough eating had made the boy thin and exhausted. He had stopped showering in the morning, because he knew he would just get dirty anyway.

Breakfast was a weird looking cereal with small prune things the blond took for black currents.

Alex sat at his normal shady corner and took a few hesitant spoonfuls of the cereal before deciding that it wasn't worth it and pushed it away, pulling out his book (_The Tempest _by _William Shakespeare_) flipping to the appropriate page and sitting contently.

The book had been assigned for an English project, and the teen had found it crumpled in the bottom of his bag with the pack of razors.

A shadow cast over his reading light, and Alex looked up, annoyed, to see one of his team mates looking down at him. Snake.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" The medic asked softly.

Alex cast a glance over to where the rest of K-Unit was sitting. Wolf was looking at Snake with a mixed look between confused and outraged. The blond shrugged. "Free country." He mumbled, fidgeting with a rip on one of the pages.

The soldier sat down meekly and the pair ate in silence for about ten minutes before the medic started pushing Alex's bowl toward the staring boy. "You should eat." The man said shortly, turning his attention to his own soggy breakfast.

A disgusted look crossed the boy's face as he realized what the man had come over for, and he started to get angry. "Why do you care? I was perfectly fine before you started butting into my life! I don't need your help!" He demanded, a desperate hint stealing his voice. He quickly memorized his page number and stood up. Quickly, he left the hall, leaving Snake alone with a shocked look on his face.

****

The rest of the day passed without any incident.

K- Unit ignored Alex and Alex ignored K- Unit. Just the way they liked it.

Once the day's drills were over, they waited in the small room for the Sergeant to come and dismiss them. Wolf and Eagle had both lit cigarettes, and the smell of tobacco hung in the air.

Eagle was chatting animatedly, only stopping to take breaths in between every couple sentences. Shots could still be heard outside the door, as the room was next to the shooting range. Alex was standing by himself in a dark corner, bored. Eagle had realized no one was listening to him and turned on Alex.

Oh boy.

****

As they had yesterday, his wrists itched and became irritated. The boy hugged them to his chest, waiting for the damn Unit leader to come out of the bathroom so he could wash them under cold water.

Wolf was such a bathroom hog.

Seriously, the man took and hour to get showered. There would be no hot water when Alex would have his shower, which would probably be last.

While he waited, Alex toyed with the thin blanket, twirling his finger around a frayed edge.

His mind wandered recklessly to the razor blade at the bottom of his bag. Why had he even brought the damn thing? He didn't _have _anything to shave!

But there was a voice, nagging restlessly at the back of his mind, telling him dark and mysterious things, like an assassin going in for the attack; a wife about to kill her husband.

His fingers moved from the quilt to his sleeve. Cold hands began coaxing the sore scars on his wrist…the pain were a good reminder, however persistent, it kept him sane.

_The loose flow of blood ran ribbons down his pale arm, like a red river. The pain was there, in a harsh, but coaxing way. She was gone, they were gone, only after abandoning him…_

_But the pain had never abandoned him. It stayed. Always. Emotional, and physical, a guardian who watched you while you slept, just to make sure you forgot how to breathe during the night…_

_The razor was dripping red, and with a surreal, detached feeling, Alex brought the blade over his arm…_

Alex awoke quickly and sharply, quickly as if someone had screamed in his ear. He quickly scrambled out of bed, still half asleep, and groped inside his bag for the packet of razors he kept in that side pocket…

Making sure not to make any noise, he crept inside the small bathroom without turning the light on.

It was dark, but Alex could still see his reflection. He tore open the plastic, and without hesitation, the blonde teen slid it, slowly and painfully down his arm. Red liquid began to well out of the thin mark, and Alex felt that fire, not only in his arm, but in his gut, it warmed him roughly, and the spy felt a sick passion.

His breath had quickened, and came in short gasps.

Was this right? It certainly felt right…

_But would Jack approve of it? _

Alex, now thoroughly confused, and flustered, put the blade down, a little to hastily, and it made a loud banging noise. Alex winced…waiting for the Unit to come barging in.

It didn't happen. The spy strained his ears as a few sleeping bodies turned in their sleep, but no one had apparently woken.

The teenager sighed in relief. He wondered what would happen if he got caught –

"Cub?"

* * *

**Ok…So it's a little short. But a lot of you have been asking for Alex to get caught and I didn't want it to get like this so early…but what the heck! ******

**I have no idea what it's like to cut myslef. I swear. This is just my sick mind playing and toying with some characters emotions, as always.**

**I have no idea where I'm going with this…I was wondering if you guys could send me some ideas of what you would like to happen. **

**The best ideas will get to be in the story and the author who came up with it will be fully credited. **

**Cookies will be involved somehow in the reward!**

**HKD**


	5. Lachrymose

**A/N: Oh, my first cliff-hanger! I was so excited! Again, if you really have an idea that you would like to see in the story, please send me a PM or maybe in a review, and you will get full credit at the start of the chapter. Wouldn't that be nice?**

**I'm sorry this chapter took so long (and I love how some of you send me death threats and want me to continue. It's completely pointless. They make me laugh ^_^). But my laptops weird and my mum's been making mulberry cake!**

**I now have over 50 reviews! Thanks so much guys! I can't believe it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Alex Rider series (wow wasn't that boring).**

_Chapter Five: Lachrymose_

How had the man managed to sneak up on him? With all that burly SAS weight, you would be sure he would make some sort of noise!

Alex turned around slowly, dropping the razor on the tiled floor, forgotten with the streams of red on his arms.

"I-I can explain…" But he couldn't. There was no way to explain the blood on the sink, and the razor, which lay brokenly on the floor, much like his spirit at the moment.

The man in the doorway looked angry, but…was that a shred of worry in his eyes?

The whole situation didn't seem real. Could it possibly be another of Alex's crazy dreams? Just his imagination…_just his imagination_-

"I'm not going to make a big scene out of this tonight," hissed the man, crossing to the bathroom mirror quietly, as not to wake the others, and pulled out the first aid kit. "But I am going to tell the Sergeant, and you're going to get some serious help."

"Wolf-" started Alex, but the unit leader interrupted him, his face growing softer as he wound the cotton bandage around both of the teen's arms.

"No. Look, Double 0-" The man hesitated. "-Cub. This isn't good for you; you need a therapist, or something. I don't know but you can't go on a training exercise and abuse your health like this." Then he seemed to look more like his old self. "You'll pull the team down." He added, using his normal unit leader voice instead of the soft one he'd been using before.

Alex couldn't even be bothered to nod his head. He was a schoolboy, and it was three in the morning. He was tired.

But he wanted to say it all, to spill his heart out to the man in front of him, and confess what he had been doing ten minutes earlier. He wanted to cry, and scream. But Cub found his mouth glued firmly shut.

"I-I'm not-" he choked out. "Wolf-"

But the SAS man did something completely unexpected.

He put his hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed in gently. The ultimate show of comfort from man-to-man. "Go to bed, Cub. And you're going to sit with the rest of K- Unit tomorrow at breakfast."

With that the man guided alex to his bed, careful as not to wake the others, and went back to his own.

Alex lay back in his bed, covering himself with the thin blanket and tucking it underneath his chin, just the way he liked it.

The bandages felt weirdly soft on his wrists. They went all the way up his forearms. Who knew Wolf could be so kind? And what did he mean…?

Alex drifted off to sleep knowing someone cared.

**A/N: REEEEALLY SHORT I KNOW! It's just a filler. Next chap will be longer, promise. And, with the whole soppy moment. I'm sorry. Ha ^^ **

**Chao!**


	6. Infected

**A/N: I'm really sorry to everyone who couldn't wait till the next chapter cause the last one was so short, but my grandpa died last week, and I'm really still just getting over it. I hope you like this chapter and thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my story.**

**Disclaimer: ****As of this moment, not mine. But, I'm getting better at negotiating, and at some point, I shall wrest those bookrights from Mr. Horowitz!!**

**Who laughed? WHO WAS LAUGHING?!!**

**Disclaimer Disclaimer: I don't own the Disclaimer above. That belongs to amitai. **

* * *

_Chapter Six: Infected_

"I don't know."

"And how do you feel about _that_?"

"I don't know!"

They thought they could trick him into spilling out all his problems to this one person he had never met in his life, and wish he never had.

In other words, Alex Rider was _very _annoyed.

He put his shaking head in his hands, mockingly upset and said tearfully "It's just…just…"

"Yes?" The therapist pressed, leaning forward with his notepad in hand.

Mr. Smith was a very, well…_bland _man. He had a bald, shiny head with a ring of gray hair around the edge. He had gray, boring eyes that tended to make you forget things and two very obvious nose hairs perching happily on the bridge of his nose. Alex wondered whether the shrink knew they were there, or just chose to ignore them.

"It's just… it's MI6 you see…"

"Yes?"

Alex composed himself sharply and smugly.

"They force me to go to these…_counselling _sessions, and talk to this _idiot_ they call a therapist."

With that statement, the spy stood, and headed for the door.

"Mr. Rider, you can't just lea-"

"Watch me."

***

For the next couple of days, Alex pushed himself harder, and harder, hoping if he exhausted himself, he wouldn't have nightmares during his stay at SAS camp.

He knew now both Wolf and Snake were watching his every move closely, making sure he ate and looked after himself properly.

_This is getting out of control, I mean _really_. Wolf, caring?_ Alex mused to himself as he made his way to breakfast on his second week of SAS training.

He grabbed his plate of lumpy porridge and made his way over to where K- Unit were sitting, staring and picking at the mush as if wishing for a better breakfast.

As if greasy and crispy eggs and Bacon would appear before them.

Alex snorted at his own thought and sat at the cafeteria bench. Shaking his blond bands out of his eyes, the teen pointedly ignored everyone at the table. Picking up his spoon, he started to poke the mush around until Wolf barked out, "eat some breakfast, Cub."

"Yes _sir_," Alex muttered, not even bothering to look up because he well and truly knew the glare plastered on the unit leaders face.

***

Alex loaded his gun, slowly and carefully, just the way Scorpia had shown him.

_Scorpia never forgives. Scorpia never forgets… _

Apparently, he hadn't either.

The spy felt K- Units gazes as he loaded the gun and lowered his goggles, getting ready to shoot.

The world seemed to disappear as Alex held that pistol in his hands. **[1]**

*******

Of course Wolf _wondered _where Cub got his skills.

The boy was what, sixteen, and he managed to keep up with highly experienced SAS men. Somehow that didn't seem right.

The kid never complained (hell, the kid barely talked). The kid never even left a mess in the dorm, unlike most teenage boys.

It just wasn't _right_.

And then there was the bathroom incident the week before.

The boy seemed so…_broken_, so lost.

A lost Cub.

And of course Wolf _wondered_ what the boy had been through.

Those eyes.

They haunted him.

Empty, like a broken doll, thrown aside to make room for new ones.

Wolf was going to find out what had happened to that boy, even if he _didn't _like him.

Oh no, it wasn't about liking him.

This was about finding that lost Cub.

* * *

**[1] I don't know what weapon you use in a shooting range thingy.**

**So watcha think?**

**Was the end bit a little too melodramatic? Is Wolf OOC? Oh God I hope not, lol.**

**A few things too:**

**What do you think about turning this story into an 'Alex goes to live with Wolf' story? Just to make it interesting?**

**I'm sorry that chapters take so long, but I've never EVER been able to write a full chapter in one go. I get distracted, or just lose the mood after a while. **

**And I don't mean to advertise, but I'm making another AR story, so just look out for that, ha ha. **

**Remember to give me ideas you would like to see written in the story! **

_**LML :)**_


	7. Downfall

**A/N: OMG you guys! 90 reviews! I love you! :D YOU ROCK! Thanks to hose who have stuck with the story from the start, and those who are new. WOOO YOU ROCK TOO! I know how annoying it is to wait for a new chapter of a story, especially when the really annoying author won't FRICKEN UPDATE! I'm taking my angst out on a few authors there. Yes you!**

**I wrote this chapter about seven times over. That, and I haven't been in the mood to write. Blame my short attention span while you're at it.**

* * *

_Chapter Seven: Downfall (As in BreakDOWN)_

It had all started after dinner.

Alex made his way toward the unit dorms, still in his SAS uniform. If he hurried, then he might get the first shower.

The doors to K- Unit's cabin squeaked open (the Sergeant said it's harder to have the element of surprise in your power with faulty doors), and Alex peeked his head around the door. The SAS Unit sat casually in various places around the dorm, with Wolf siting on his bed, cleaning out a gun, Snake lying on his back on his own bunk with his hands behind his head and Fox and Eagle chatting aimlessly with the occasional bark of laughter.

The teens brown eyes softened when he saw the group so relaxed- he had grown so used to the strain of training he had nearly forgotten about relaxing, or trying to be normal at all.

The eyes hardened again when Wolf looked him in the face. It wasn't the normal guarded look Alex was used to; it was a soft, wary or even tired look.

The man nodded toward the bathroom. Alex graciously took this as an excuse to shower first; he could tell none of the others had.

*

The hot water hit Alex hard, cleansing away the dirt and sweat and blood he had collected during the day: first an obstacle course, then the rockwall, then the firing range, all to top it off with a large run around a large track in between.

Even though he had been through this all week, his legs and arms ached continuously, a constant reminder of the hell he was trapped in until MI6 needed him again.

A bubble of laughter merged its way through the water covering Alex's face.

His body was _covered _with reminders, ranging from the large bullet wound on his chest (which would ache if it wasn't for the medication) to the various scars he had gathered from missions, and, finally, to the thin marks that littered Alex's wrists and forearms.

None of them ached like his sore muscles, but they were there all the same.

After washing his hair, Alex turned off the water, and dried himself off, putting on tracksuit pants and a thick woolen jumper, making sure to cover his arms.

He didn't give a second thought about the razors he still hid in his bag.

*

Life is blind.

Death is dark.

Everyone's oblivious to the real world. A world of cat-eats-dog, where you have to kill or be killed, be evil to destroy evil.

But is there really evil, in a world where everyone believes they're doing good?

_Scorpia never forgives, Scorpia never forgets._

*

Alex awoke, covered in a cold layer of sweat and wrapped in a stifling cocoon of twisted blankets. A scream rose in his throat like bile and nearly rose for the surface at the darkness. He thrashed in his bed to break free of the restraining sheets, and slowly calmed when he sat up in bed, his eyes adjusting to the darkness.

Soon, he could see every bed, and every person in the bed. Thankfully, they were all sleeping.

_Except one._

"Cub?"

"Yeah Wolf?"

" Are…" There was a rough sigh. "Go back to sleep."

Alex nearly smirked. The man had obviously been about to say, "are you okay?"

"Yes sir."

*

If you had just walked into the room, you wouldn't expect the small, petite woman sitting in the red armchair in front of you to be a particularly powerful icon.

If you had known her, you might have said that she had the right attitude that drew you toward her, like a fish and a hook.

No one really knew who this young figure was.

But she had a very, very big grudge against one Alex Rider.

And she was going to kill him, even if it killed her.

* * *

**A/N: Short again, I know! But it seemed like a good place to end!**

**I'm not really very happy with this chapter…hmmm…**

**Also…**

**Do you guys think I should make a sequel for Alex going to live with Wolf, or make it one ridiculously long fic?**

**I know you want to review and demand whom the new villain is… so do it!**


	8. Silence

**A/N: 100 reviews! OH MY GOSH! Thanks to Witty Kitty for being my very short 100****th**** reviewer… ^^**

**I decided to update soon because it's nearly Christmas and this is your present xD**

**I got a great idea though! I'm going to start Story recommendations and song suggestions at the start of the chapter…just to make it more interesting since this is going to be a **_**ridiculously long fic**_**. You can search the story (if you haven't read it) on FF. Net (duh) and the song on Youtube (if you would like).**

**Smart idea huh!**

**I'm just jellybeans full of smartness and great ideas!**

**Merry Christmas to all, by the way! We get it one day earlier here in Australia then all you people up north ;) **

**And it's smoking hot here :P (I heard its really very cold up in England. LOL I've never even seen snow!)**

**I'm still getting great ideas from you all for this story! Keep that up!**

**Disclaimer: I have to do two of these since I forgot one on the last chap. I don't own, I don't own.**

**Story recommendation: **_One Big Happy Family by Twilight Oasis (enter some numbers I can't remember)_

**Song for the chapter: **_Understanding by Evanescence. Sound Asleep version (or EP version if you want)_

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Silence_

"Get Brown for me, Richards."

"Yes, ma'am."

The young woman sat back lazily in her chair, her heavy lidded eyes clouded with what seemed boredom. She examined her manicured nails in what seemed a cliché fashion, all the while keeping alert for her consort to come back with all her information.

The man soon came back with a new arrival. A timid looking, ordinary man by the name of Stephen Brown.

"What have you got for me Brown?" Her cool voice rang and echoed throughout the room, causing Stephen to swallow the bile that had risen in his throat.

"T-the boy's still in SAS camp. Even if we t-tried to capture him, we would be sorely o-outnumbered." He tilted his head to the side and coughed into his palm, not in a confident, professional manner, but in a sore, hollow damaged kind of way.

The man must smoke at least two packets a day to calm his nerves. He would die in the long run anyway. Long, and cancerous. She was really doing him a favor.

"Oh?" She asked him. Soft, and polite. "And that would be _your _opinion?"

"N-no, that's not what I meant!"

"Richards, you know what to do." She innocently cocked her head to the side, frowning slightly.

Then the only sounds in the room were a loud bang and the drop of a body hitting the floor.

*

"Um, sir, you wanted to see me?" Alex asked timidly, hovering in the Sergeants doorframe.

"Come in Cub." The older mans gruff voice greeted.

The teen sat in the chair opposite the SAS sergeant. It was exactly 1500 hours, and while Alex had been called into the office, the rest of K- Unit were still outside in the firing range.

"I have something to discuss with you Cub." The man was, as always, straight to the point with no sugar coating.

"About what sir?"

"Your _guardianship._"

Alex was perplexed. What could the SAS do about his _guardianship_? Surely that was up to MI6? Maybe (probably) the sergeant was just here to pass it on.

"W-what do you mean, sir?"

"I mean," here the man cleared his throat, "that while K- Unit is off duty and on leave for a few months, you need somewhere to stay. MI6 wish for me to tell you who you will spend this break with."

"And who is that sir?"

"Lieutenant James San Luca." **[1]**

Alex hesitated. Who was he?

"You know him as Wolf, the leader of your unit."

Alex stopped breathing all together. Wolf was going to take care of him for _three months_?

The Sergeant saw this, and took a deep breath. "I know you and San Luca haven't…mixed in the past, no one wants you to take this harshly. Considering he was the one to see you little…incident, MI6 thought that to be a good option."

"Yes sir." Mumbled Alex miserably.

"Dismissed."

*

For the last week K- Unit stayed at SAS before their leave, Alex refused to talk to anybody. Especially Wolf. He behaved, ate all the food he was told to, and slept soundly (well, mostly) every single night.

Nobody noticed, of course. It's not like he talked much anyway. If he did, he was afraid that he was going to have a public spill at his unit leader. That would attract attention Alex did _not _need.

The boy assessed himself in the mirror. He had become less pale. His skin had become slightly tan that the mid day sun had given him over training. The purple, bruised bags underneath his eyes had gone too. His face looked fuller. Not so gaunt…

He actually liked it.

He smiled quickly for the first time in weeks, turning away from the mirror, pulling on his jeans and running his hands through his blonde hair. His face quickly turned neutral when he remembered what was in stock for him in twenty minutes.

Stupid, freaking, _therapy._

"_Yay._" Alex muttered to himself sarcastically.

He opened the door from the bathroom and walked lazily toward his bed (if you can call it that), stuffing his pajama shorts in his already packed bag, ready to leave Brecon Beacons. He didn't know why the therapist had called for one more session before he left.

The rest of K- Unit had already packed and their suitcases were packed, sitting on top of the beds they had slept on for the last year. Alex hadn't been there for quite that long.

But he was still glad to leave all the same, no matter where he was going.

*

So it was official.

It had been all along, but still.

He was going to live with Wolf.

Alex sat in the back of Wolf's black SUV, leaning his head against the window, and slowly closing his eyes. He didn't want to look at the boring scenery outside, flashing past.

He didn't want to think about living with Wolf, or Jack, or his old school, along with everyone he had abandoned.

Maybe, if he slept, he could abandon that.

**A/N: So, short…but… I wrote this in one go, and it's late, I'm not thinking right. I just had like…four cans of coke and a bowl of ice cream to keep me awake, and I'm still tired XD **

**[1] That's not my name, that's not my name, they call me quiet girl, but I'm a riot, Mary, Jo, Lisa ahem I don't own the name James San Luca, that belongs to amitai.**

**Notice how Alex seems to be getting better and better?**

**Well, ignore that.**

**You didn't thing I was gonna let Alex recover so soon did you?**

**Well…I'm going to bed…goodnight.**


	9. Unfamiliar

**A/N: Did any of you Aussies see the massive fire down here in SA on the news? (Not the one in the Adelaide Hills, the one before that)**

**That's why I've have no time to update lately.**

**So… we had no power for a while but now its back on so I might as well write another chapter!**

**Story Recommendation: **_Faint Hearted by Scorpia170 (Normally the story will have nothing to do with this story but the song will.)_

**Song Suggestion: **_Satellite Heart by Anya (New Moon Soundtrack)_

* * *

_Chapter Nine: Unfamiliar_

"So…this is my house…" Wolf seemed uncertain as he introduced the living room to Alex.

The boy had dumped his bags at the door and followed Wolf around obediently, taking in every detail. If this was going to be his house for the next three months he might as well make himself at home. The three bedroom house was white and modern. It wasn't small but not entirely huge.

"It's… nice." He sighed and made a 360 turn on the spot. "Where do I put my bags?"

"I'll show you your room." Wolf mumbled.

The soldier led him to a smallish room with white walls and pale blue carpet. "You'll have to make the bed." He waved uncomfortably toward the bare single bed in the top left corner of the room, underneath two large windows. Next to it sat a wooden bedside table with a digital clock on it which read 12:03 P.M.

"Um…I'll leave you to it…" Wolf grunted. "Call me if you want anything…"

"Kay…" Alex murmured, loading his bags onto his bed and starting to unzip his suitcase.

Twenty minutes later he was finished unpacking all his possessions. It was all he had at the moment. The blond sat heavily on the small bed. "Looks like I'll have to find some sheets," he mumbled, running his hand over the naked mattress. Alex wished he was _home_. His real home, with Jack, and Ian. Maybe even his parents. Wolf didn't want him.

_Why did he always have to be such a burden?_

A very peculiar smell rose from downstairs and Alex crinkled his nose. He slowly got up from his 'bed' and walked downstairs.

Then he calmly sat back and watched as Wolf attempted to cook.

*

The kitchen was a total mess.

Pots and pans littered the bench, stacked on top of each other, and a mysterious sauce littered the bench.

"Um… what exactly _are _you trying to cook?" Wolf turned to find a skeptical eyebrow-raising Alex.

There was a muttered "_spaghetti…_" and Alex nearly smiled. "How about we clean this up and _I'll _make sandwiches." Wolf looked surprised at the offer, then nodded quickly.

It took them quarter of an hour toclean the havoc wreaked upon Wolf's kitchen, then, after Alex made some peanut butter on toast (that was the only thing the man had alcohol, peanut butter, and stale bread) they both sat at the table in an uncomfortable silence. "Cub?" Alex looked up, taking a bite of his toast. "Yes?" "Uh…the rest of the unit is coming over for drinks later tonight. Its, uh, kinda a tradition when we go on leave, you know?" Alex nodded quietly, catching the drift. "So, you want me to stay out of your way, right?" "No, no, no! It's fine… we won't get too… uh, _drunk_."

Very straightforward.

"Okay. Well, I'll just be in my room, I guess…"

"Yeah, sure."

*

Alex was reading when he heard the first visitor arrive. He decided to wait until he was wanted, then he would go downstairs.

He turned another page in his crumpled version of _The Tempest,_** [1] **slowly getting bored, before picking up his mobile phone and checking his messages. When he was done, he sent a random message to Tom.

'_hey, how r u?' _

It wasn't long before he got a reply.

'_OMG im sooo bored wbu? Where r u man, is it mi6 again?'_

He sat and thought for a minute. Should he tell Tom?

'_im gd. Meet me at the park 2moro and ill xplain. K?' _**[2]**

He didn't wait for a reply from Tom before sliding his phone shut and chucking it on his new bedside table.

It seemed _wrong._ He didn't want this room. He wanted his own. This one was unfamiliar. It smelled like a new car. Alex assumed that Wolf had a cleaner over every week or so because he didn't seem like the cleaning guy…

He made his way back downstairs just as his phone vibrated in his pocket, he texted back to Tom, just as someone knocked at the door. He looked around for Wolf, hoping he didn't have to get it. No suck luck. Silently praying it wasn't a member of K- Unit he opened the door.

"Cub?"

"Are you coming for drinks too Cub?"

Alex stuttered, his face burning. "Uh… I'll go get Wolf" He slipped his mobile back in his pocket.

He rounded the corner, and bumped straight into Wolf's chest.

"Um, K- Unit are here…"

*

"What are you planning to do…miss?"

The raven-haired youth lazed back in her chair, examining the middle aged man before her.

"I can't trust those imbeciles to get the job done. They're taking _way _to long. The boy is out of SAS camp now, so I've been told. I guess I'll have to do it myself."

Her red lips curved into a sly smile.

* * *

**A/N: Short again, I know. Sorry.**

**Ah, men. So uncomfortable with change. Don't you girls just HATE that? You change one thing around; clean something on their desk and then BAM! They complain for hours. Gr. I'm glad I'm not a mother. Lol, tooooo young!**

**I know it's sounding pretty normal and cliché at the moment, but this is just the start, my pretties. MWAHAHA!**

**[1] I actually forgot about that from a few chapters back…**

**[2] For those of you who are not educated in the text talking business:**

Hey, how are you?

_Oh my God, I'm so bored, what about you? Where are you man, is it MI6 again?_

_I'm good. Meet me at the park tomorrow, and I'll explain. Okay?_

**OMG MAJOR RANT TIME!**

**I SAW STROMBREAKER!**

**I know, kinda late… but still.**

**I'M IMPRESSED AND ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME!**

**I'm impressed: About Alex. HE IS SO HOT!!! Ohmigosh I nearly fainted when I first saw him!**

**About Jack: I didn't really like her in the books, but she is totally kickass in the movie.**

**About the way it's set out. The messed it up a bit and I don't normally like that but its really well done!**

**I'm angry: About FREAKING SABINA! She's not even supposed to be in the first book! What are they gonna do in the second one where Alex goes to Wimbledon? Huh?**

**About Tom. WTF? Where is he?**

**About Blunt: LOL he's weird. He freaks me. Especially when he eats biscuits randomly. And sticks his eyebrow up all eyebrow-ways. I reckon he doesn't make a good blunt cuz he makes me laugh. Like Yassen. His head is the wrong shape (Blunt's, not Yassen's) **

**Kinda sorta about K- Unit: I actually didn't expect Eagle to be Black. I'm not racist, but I just imagined him blonde…and Wolf? He's not supposed to be skinny and reaaaally short. He's supposed to be buff! Buff asss!**

**I've finished my rant…**

**BUT BLUNT STILL FREAKS ME OUT!**

**Until next time, my pretties!**


	10. Settling In

**A/N: I'm very pleased. I had reviews with rants to match mine, and it was way fun to rant back. Please rant and dribble in your comments, I absolutely love it! **

**I found myself dreading writing this chapter. I don't know why, but every time I wrote something, it just didn't seem good enough. Then I couldn't **_**think **_**of anything to write, which majorly pisses me off. Major angst and frustration on my behalf.**

**Someone asked when this was set… at least I think they did… but anyways, its set between Ark Angel and Snakehead…if Alex didn't land in Australia from FRICKEN SPACE! But he's already done the whole space thing, and he got back home afterward, then Jack left, then he went to SAS. OK? **

**Story: **_Ask No Questions by Lil Lupin_

**Song: **_Riot by Three Days Grace_

**Disclaimer: Oh how I wanna be a CULLEN! Or spy… wait I'm confused… oh, and I don't own Alex… :(**

**Warning: Slight drunkenness and personal problems on Eagle's behalf…**

* * *

_Chapter Ten: Settling In_

"Um… K- Unit are here." Said Alex, pointing toward the front door.

"I got it."

"M'Kay… I'll be upstairs…"

"Oh no, um, stay!"

Alex hovered tensely, his shoulders raised and his fingers gripping the sleeves of his gray jumper. He shook his blonde bangs out of his eyes and smiled thinly as K- Unit passed to get to the lounge room. **[1]**

He waited 'till everyone else had gone in before leaning on the doorframe.

Wolf calmly explained his presence; the whole team was now stealing glances at him while he stood in the doorway. "Do you want me to put that in the fridge?" He asked politely, gesturing to the six-pack of beer in Eagles hand. "Sure."

All Alex needed was an excuse to leave the room.

Taking the plastic rings off the cans and then putting them in the fridge door, he listened while someone turned on the telly. Football was on the sports channel. Manchester United verses Arsenal **[2]**.

There were loud shouts as teams scored and missed, and Wolf was taunting Eagle.

He walked up to 'his' room quietly, so he didn't attract attention, and sat heavily on 'his' bed.

The mattress was still bare, and the fabric felt soft against his hands. The room had no feeling. There was nothing to say whose room it was, nor was the room interesting. He hadn't been bothered putting up posters or photos. Just plain white walls. He sighed heavily, leaning back on the bed.

He could hear the men talking loudly and occasionally laughing downstairs.

He left the room, searching for sheets. None of the hallway cupboards held sheets- just towels. The laundry looked as if it had never been used, and he didn't dare go into Wolf's room. He was struck with a feeling of triumph as he finally found a small grey dresser with sheets, pillowcases, even a quilt and two pillows.

Score!

Grabbing the bed covers out of the dresser, he lugged them back to his room, still smiling in victory.

"Cub?"

"Um, Snake?"

The man had stumbled up the stairs, presumably about to go to the toilet, since his fly was undone. Alex's grin had turned into a shy smile, which Snake hurriedly returned, then rushed off to pee. It felt weird, seeing SAS soldiers, who you had seen work hard on assault courses and treks, act so normal. Alex hoped he could be the same.

Admiring his work, Alex stepped back from his now-made bed. He grinned to himself- actually _grinned_. The crisp white sheets sat atop his mattress, mixing in with the walls. Proud with himself, (something he hadn't felt for a long time) he crossed over to the dark mahogany dresser, and slid out the bottom drawer. He pulled out a shoebox. The lid slid off to reveal at least a dozen chocolate bars. Alex loved chocolate. He pulled out a Milky Way chocolate bar, and unwrapped it, savoring the smell and taste of the dark chocolate, and the caramel inside. **[3]**

He mentally shook his head, stuffing the rest of the chocolate in his mouth, wiping his mouth and headed downstairs to see what Wolf and the others were doing.

"I've never actually seen him smile like that…"

He heard Snake tell the others. The others were too drunk to care at that particular moment, arguing about completely useless and random subjects or cheering at the television. Alex walked into the room and bit his bottom lip, stopping in the doorway as if waiting for permission to walk into the room.

"Cub!" Cried Eagle, throwing up his hands in greeting. One of his hands had a beer can in it, but the thought was there all the same.

"We were just talking about you!"

"His name's _Alex,_" mumbled Wolf into his own drink, his eyes glued to the football.

"Um, I found some sheets." Cub muttered, looking at shoes, because they seemed very interesting at that moment. "I found them in a dresser in the hall. Is that okay with you?"

Wolf grunted and Alex left the room, and Eagle started complaining about his home life.

"And, I mean, if it bothers her so much, why didn't she tell me in the first place?"

*

K- Unit left at about midnight, and Wolf went to bed soon after. Alex stayed up for a bit, but eventually settled down and went to sleep for the first time in his new home. If only it was peaceful.

Mrs. Stellenbosch stopped, breathing heavily. She glanced out the window. The helicopter's blades were at full speed now. The helicopter rocked forward then rose into the air. It was time to go.

_She reached down and picked up her handbag. She took out a gun and aimed at Alex. Alex stared at her. There was nothing he could do._

_Mrs. Stellenbosch smiled. "And this is _my _job," she said. _

_The dining room door swung open._

"_Alex!" _

_It was Wolf. He was holding a machine gun. Mrs. Stellenbosch lifted the gun and fired three shots. Each one of them found its target. Wolf was hit in the shoulder, the arm, and the chest. But even as he fell back, he opened fire himself. The heavy bullets slammed into Mrs. Stellenbosch. She was hurled backwards into the window, which smashed behind her…_

Alex woke with a start, his face streaming with tears and clammy sweat. He gasped for breath, his hand reaching for the light beside his bed. "Wolf," he whispered, holding his head in his hands.

It took him several minutes to realize he was thirsty. Swallowing through a dry throat, he got up as quietly as he could, and made his way into the kitchen, grabbed a clean glass out of the dishwasher, and got himself some water out of the tap. He took a sip. The water was lukewarm.

"Cub?"

The unexpected voice surprised Alex, and he jumped, dropping the glass. It shattered, and water ran down the plastic tiles.

"Ah, I'm sorry…" Alex apologized, bending down to pick up the shattered glass.

"Ow," he muttered. A particularly large piece of glass had cut through his palm, and blood pooled over the cut.

"Now look what you've done." Wolf looked annoyed, but still reached up to a cupboard, bringing out a first aid kit, and pulled out some white cotton bandages.

"Thanks. I- I'm sorry about the glass. I'll pay for it if you want."

"Nah, it's fine, I hate them and they're ugly anyway." Alex glanced around awkwardly.

"How come you were up?" Asked Wolf, now he had finished with Alex's hand, he stood, getting himself a glass of orange juice out of the fridge.

"I just had a weird dream, is all. I was thirsty so I came down to get some water. Then _you _scared me." His hand throbbed dully, and he buried it into his chest, hiding the pain.

James (Wolf) scrunched up his face in disgust and turned to the sink, spitting out the contents in his mouth, then did the same with his cup. "Off." He said when Alex looked at him questioningly from his position on the floor.

Alex nodded, then stood. "I'm going to go back to bed…"

Wolf grunted, then headed for the door himself.

"Oh, and Wolf?"

"Yeah?"

"Your arm… does it still hurt? Um, from France?"

Wolf didn't answer; he just pushed past Alex, shaking his head slightly muttering something like _"Does your head still hurt?" _

*

Alex sighed at himself. He had taken off the bandages Wolf had applied on his hand, and was examining the large gash. It wasn't too deep. Was it going to turn into a scar like the ones that sat permanently on his wrists?

He had given up self- harming for good, hadn't he? He was getting better… wasn't he?

His bullet wound throbbed dully. Alex rubbed it for a minute with his good hand, still thinking, before he swung his legs out of bed, reaching for the bag he kept on top of his wardrobe.

He pulled out a small container. It rattled as he pulled off the airtight lid. He hated taking the pills, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

The painkiller would be harder to swallow without any water, but he put the pill on his tongue all the same, swallowing it painfully.

His throat was still dry, and Alex coughed. He wished he had gotten another glass of water.

At least he finally got to sleep without any dreams.

*

"We know where he's staying?" This was the second time she had had to ask it. It was starting to get peevishly annoying.

"Yes, miss. We're monitoring his every move."

"Who's his guardian?"

"Well, his previous guardian was Jacqueline Starbright… she's currently living in the United States of America. His currant guardian is James San Luca. He was the leader of the SAS unit he was in. They live in Chelsea, London."

"Thank you Busch. You may go now."

"Yes ma'am."

Herald Busch rushed out of the large modern room, closing the door behind him; he was thankful he hadn't been shot.

She lay back in her chair, playing absently with a strand of dark hair. Her red painted lips were playing on a small smile, one that didn't reach her eyes, one that was devoid of any humor.

We're monitoring his ever move.

And very, _very _soon, Alex Rider will be dead.

* * *

**A/N: Chapter ten! Four pages, and 2,000 words! ^^ My babies growing up! **

**I don't particularly like this chapter…**

**[1] That's what I do when I get really shy talking to strangers or people at checkout desks: I hunch my shoulders, hold onto the sleeves of my jumper and do this small little smile thing. I can't help it.**

**[2] Does Manchester United play against Arsenal? Ha. I don't know a thing about British soccer (football) except David Beckham. If anyone can help me with that, it'd be great.**

**[3] OK, I know that scene was a little weird and obbsessive... but I looooooove Milky Way bars. I go crazy at those machine game things where you have the grabbing hook and you have to try and get the small chocolate bite things. **

**So, anyways, do you notice how at the start of the chapter Alex had trouble thinking that it was now **_**his **_**home too? And then eventually, he warmed up to it, even smiling. **

**The next chapters will be soon; I've already started writing them.**


	11. AN

**This is just an authors note, and I would like to say how sorry I am. :(**

**I have been neglecting ALL of my stories at the moment, and I feel really bad about it. I am NOT abandoning **_**My Tourniquet, **_**OR **_**Justice and Mercy. **_

**I have great things for MT, some drama and angst, it would be a knife through my conscience just to let it go.**

**I have had a lot of things happening right now, like school starting, it's been impossible to update, or even write.**

**Please don't review this authors note, I will replace it with the new chapter, which I will hope to be the best I've ever written ;D**

**Thank you to everyone who has read or reviewed my story, you mean a lot to me! I will try and update ASAP,**

**Love**

**Little Miss L.**

**XxXx**


	12. Ignorance

**Yes! I am back! I'm sorry I've taken so long... *shies away from angry reraders glares* **

**But I have a cold. I am sick, you HAVE to pity me. **

**Thank you SO SO SO much to With The What Now who has put up with my never ending questions about England!**

**This chapter is longer than ALLLL the others! And it has plenty drama!**

**I fixed the mistakes, OK? **

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately... no. Sorry I've wasted your time.**

* * *

_"Alex…" Jack started thickly. Tears tracked their ways down her cheeks. "I'm afraid Ian was in a very bad car crash… he wasn't wearing his seatbelt and they couldn't save him. I'm so sorry Alex, there was nothing they could do. They tried their hardest."_

_Alex was perplexed. Ian had _always _been careful about road safety. What made this time any different?_

_He numbly felt Jack embrace him tightly, and he rested his head on her shoulder. Somehow, the tears never came._

Alex woke.

He stretched his arms above his head, yawning.

He rolled over, and glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. 6.45 AM. If he was going to get to school on time, he would have to get up.

Alex had been living with James san Luca a month now. Nothing unusual had happened in that time. He went to school; Wolf went to his desk job at MI6.

After, Alex went to therapy and Wolf stayed at home and watched TV.

The sleepy blonde swung his legs out of bed and stretched again, then headed for the bathroom.

He could tell Wolf was awake- he could hear the television downstairs and the kettle boiling. He was most likely going to make some tea. Maybe toast. Toast would be nice… but why was Wolf up so early?

Alex had his shower and got dressed in light jeans and a red and black hoodie, slipping on his frayed trainers. Mussing up his wet hair, he headed downstairs for tea and toast.

"Morning" Wolf grunted from his seat at the dining table, hunched over a newspaper. "Morning." Alex popped a few pieces of toast in the toaster before pouring himself a cup of tea. He placed it on the counter, and went upstairs to get his school bag.

He had caught up on all the excess work, and was now in the same program as everyone else. Rumors still flew around about where he went during his disappearances, but they had mostly died down.

He gulped down the hot tea, scorching his mouth, and wolfed down a piece of toast (no pun intended), holding the other piece in his mouth while he slipped the black backpack on his shoulders. He shouted a muffled "goodbye!" To Wolf before bolting out the door and grabbing his bike.

He made it to school with three minutes to spare.

He met Tom at the gate and they both made their way to homeroom. His best friend chatted excitedly about nothing in particular, asking Alex if he had watched the Simpsons on TV last night and chatted ecstatically about the new episode when Alex said he hadn't.

They got their books out of their bags and slouched in their seats until the teacher came, and immediately plunged them into the lesson.

They had English and Science first before recess.

The day had gone fairly well before Alex found himself back in class. He glanced at his timetable and barely managed to hold back his groan. Double period of math.

What fun today was going to be. **[1]**

"Oi Alex!" Patrick, one of Alex's friends that had drifted back when the rumors had died down, yelled.

The spy in question, who was just about to walk out the school gate, did a double-take and saw Patrick with a group of friends, including Tom. He wandered back to the group and raised an eyebrow in question. "We're going to McDonalds after school. You wanna join?"

Alex bit his lip. He didn't have therapy today, being a Friday… and it would be rather nice.

**

James slammed the door behind him with his foot, juggling a pizza box and four to-go coffees in his hands, along with his briefcase.

He set the load on the table, and glanced at the clock. It was four thirty. Alex was supposed to have come home half an hour ago. Jeez, why was he worrying? He wasn't the boy's father.

God knew where _he_ was. Wolf knew nothing about the spy's past. All he had seen of him was Point Blanc.

Then of course the card from Baghdad when the kid had gotten appendicitis.

He hung his coat, and a red flashing caught his eye.

There was a message on the phone answering machine.

A digital number one flashed at him, and he pressed the play button. A female automatic response rang out at him. "You. Have. One, old. Message. Friday, twelfth. One. Thirty-two P.M."

There was a beep and another; more natural voice came out of the machine.

_"Alex. I know you're at school, and an answering machine isn't the best way to tell you this, but I will be busy later on. Jack Starbright, your former guardian was the victim of a horrendous hit and run scene. I'm sorry to tell you that they couldn't save her. The Royal and General bank gives their most sincere regards."_

There was another tone signaling the end of the message, and the number on the screen stopped blinking. But it still stared.

Wolf stared back. The kid's old guardian was dead?

Was he supposed to tell him? Where was he anyway?

Wolf looked behind his shoulder, as if expecting the kid to come out of no where. He normally did that, right?

**

Alex laughed along with Tom and the others as they made their way down the busy street.

The nearest shopping center wasn't to far away, and there they could get something in the food court. **[2] **

It was the happiest Alex had been in a while. Life was finally going his way. MI6 hadn't called on him in ages, he was back at school, and he had his friend's back.

He sat with Tom at a large enough table, struggling to get comfortable on the plastic chairs. Tom was still talking at break neck pace to Patrick, who was laughing at some random joke the other boy made.

Alex looked around at the various stalls, deciding what kind of food he was in the mood for and checking his wallet for spare change. He found twelve Pounds. **[3]**

That was enough for McDonalds, right?

"C'mon." He said to Tom, snagging the boys sleeve with his spare hand.

They both lugged their schoolbags onto their backs and headed over to the stall, waiting in line. Tom was fidgeting and shuffling his feet impatiently, and Alex looked over his shoulder, having the feeling someone was watching him.

"Snake?" He muttered in confusion, his eyebrows dipping in puzzlement. The man in question was waiting in a Mexican food queue, dressed in casual clothes. He appeared to be alone.

He waved slightly when he saw Alex, before being called to the counter.

"Alex?" The blonde whipped his head back around to Tom, seeing the boys confused expression, and smiled encouragingly. "Nothing." He said. Tom shrugged, turning back to the counter and scanning the displays. "I'm getting one of those blue Fantas." He whispered. "I had one the other day and it was _so_ good." "Don't drool all over my shoulder, this is my favourite jacket." Alex joked; mockingly brushing imaginary spit off his shoulder.

After that the group ended up behind an old building by themselves.

They mostly leaned on the peeling vandalized wall, but a few sitting on old Dumpsters. A few were also smoking, like Patrick, and about three girls.

"Hey, Alex. You want one?" Asked Patrick, leaning in the get closer to the spy and holding out his cigarette. One of the smoking girls giggled, blowing out a puff of tobacco smoke. "Hey, Smith, I thought you were cool!" Tom said loudly. "C'mon Alex, lets go." He muttered to his friend, making to walk off.

"You get your clean little nose out of this Harris. Well?" He added to Alex, gesturing with the cigarette.

"Don't worry Tom." He said, and the dark haired boy sighed in relief.

"Sure I'll have one."

"What?" Tom whispered harshly. "Alex don't!" He began to tug on the spy's arm, but the shorter boy wouldn't budge.

Alex took the half-burnt fag and gave it a test drag. He broke into a coughing fit, hunched over with his hand over his chest when his bullet wound gave a small twitch of pain.

"Come ON Alex!" Tom yelled, grabbing Alex's arm and pulling him away from the rest of the group and heading down the deserted alleyway. "I thought you were smarter than that, man!" He grabbed the smoke out of his friend's hand and squished it with his sneaker.

Alex gave a last cough and looked sheepishly at his best friend. "Thanks for looking out for me…" he said quietly. Tom sighed and ran a hand through his dark locks. "Its OK. It's just… I thought you were smarter than that… I really did."

They walked in silence, the only sound their footsteps until Alex's phone chimed. He had gotten a text message. He flipped the black mobile phone over and squinted at the number. It was Wolf's. But why was the man texting him?

_Come home now. I have something to tell you._

"Huh?" Tom said, he had read over the other boy's shoulder, and was just as bewildered as Alex.

"I have _no _idea."

"You better get home before he goes all SAS on you."

"Yeah… see you later."

Tom walked around the corner and Alex was left by himself.

**

"I'm back!" Alex yelled as he came through the door, swinging his heavy backpack off his shoulders.

"About time." Wolf growled. "Where were you?"

"I went out with some friends." Alex walked over to the fridge to get a glass of water. His mouth still tasted foul from the few puffs of the cigarette. But of course, Wolf didn't need to know that.

"You could have called me." Pfft. As if.

"I don't have any credit." Alex lied, sipping his water.

"Anyway," Wolf's tone softened and he ran a hand through his hair. The motion reminded Alex of Tom. "You might want to have a look at this message."

"What?" Alex asked, following Wolf into the hallway to the small table where the landline phone always sat.

"_Alex." _The boy stiffened at the voice of Tulip Jones through the loudspeaker. _"I know you're at school…"_

Alex's face got harder and harder throughout the message, until the ending dial tone, when he was stuck looking at the floor, his blonde hair shielding his face.

"Cub…" James started, deciding whether or not to reach out and grasp the boy's shoulder in a show of comfort.

"They do this over the _phone_?" Alex's voice cracked, as if he was holding back tears, his voice full of emotion.

Wolf opened his mouth to say something but the boy bet him to it. "No, just forget it. I'll be in my room." And with that Alex left the room.

Alex felt the hot tears coursing down his cheeks before he closed the door. He threw himself onto the small bed and put his head in his hands.

The day had seemed so perfect. Nothing should have gone wrong. Jack wouldn't have died if she had left back to America before MI6. But she stuck by, and that's why she's dead.

Jack was gone.

**

"She's dead, miss." The small man looked up from his position on his knees, on the cold marble floor.

A small giggle came from the highest seat. Then the same source sighed. "Good."

"He's sure to be crushed, mentally, emotionally. All at the cost of a life. A small price to pay." The man got off his knees and brushed off.

"We aren't that far away from killing _him_."

This time, the laughter was infectious.

* * *

**Did you like it? I slaved away all night at this. It's only about nine thirty at night, but I'm still tired. **

**[1] This is normally how my day happens. Me and my friends meet at the gate, and double math period is a NIGHTMARE!!! O.O**

**[2] I go CRAZY at food courts whenever I get the chance to go into the city (once every six months)**

**[3] I have NO idea how much twelve pound is. I even had to ask my dad whether they use Euro in Britan...**

**Please review!!!**


	13. Gone

**A/N: Well... large spaces between updates is nothing new... I'm sorry with people coming over and being grounded for a week and reading instead of writing, and having major emotional breakdowns in public places because I've been so tired and everything. I'm on school holidays so I've found some extra time to write.**

**Yes, I did change my name... again. I'm sorry! I can't help it! Do you like the new one? **

**Disclaimer: Don't own nada. **

* * *

Alex couldn't sleep that night.

He was afraid. He didn't want the nightmares, he didn't want the suffocating darkness. That wouldn't make it all go away.

He lay in bed that night; not ashamed to let the tears run down his face this time, contemplating on his life.

For once, everything was normal. Everything was perfect, just fine. He had had friends, MI6 wasn't bothered him and he had been happy.

Alex sighed and glanced at his alarm clock. It read SAT 2.38 AM. He rolled himself out of bed and headed down the hall as quietly as he could, as not to wake Wolf.

He slowed when he found himself in front of his new guardian's bedroom door. He guessed that the man was a light sleeper- he was a soldier, of course. Years of being on edge on the battlefield did that to you.

After he had grabbed a towel from the small cupboard in the hall, he slipped through the bathroom door and switched the heat lights on. Turning on the hot water full blast, he slipped off his clothes and stepped underneath the water.

He bowed his head and let the heated water beat down on his back. The tears mingled with the water as it ran down his face.

Toweling his hair dry, Alex slipped on his old tattered bedclothes and leaded over the white wash basin. He felt sick.

Gone… Jack was gone.

Gone, because of him.

How many other people had to die because of him? Obstacles only to be knocked down because they were in the way.

Alex took a deep breath to clear his thoughts and started to quietly rummage around the bathroom- Wolf had to have one here somewhere…

Cologne, spare soap, even condoms. The man had everything else here… ah, finally!

Clutching a pair of nail scissors in his hand, Alex took another calming breath. He had promised everything. He promised that he would stop. But he had to let go of the pain, and he only knew one way…

Slowly, and deliberately, he traced his pale forearm with the scissors, making sure he felt it. Blood pooled and ran onto the floor, staining the white tiles, which looked so carefully polished…

_This ones for Jack._

He did the same thing again, right over the first cut.

_Because I never got to say goodbye. _**[1]**

And then a third time, making sure this one was a little bit deeper than the others.

_Because she was a sister to me, when no one else was there._

Alex gasped in pain for the first time as blood pooled out of this last cut a little faster. He grasped the sink for support- feeling light headed –smearing blood over the white marble. Closing his eyes Alex assessed the situation. He had gone too deep- deeper than all the other times, and he had gone a little _too _deep.

A sharp pain in his knees brought Alex out of his half-conscious state. He had fallen to the ground, on his knees, cradling his bleeding arm to his chest and his flushed forehead resting on the cool tiles.

Darkness clouded his vision- it had finally ended.

**

James woke with a start. He sat still for a minute, staring at the ceiling through the darkness, trying to figure out what had woken him at three in the morning. Groaning and stretching he got up, needing too pee. He stumbled sleepily down the hall, and tugged on the bathroom door handle.

It was locked.

The man's brow wrinkled in confusion. He banged his fist on the door. "Cub? Alex? Are you in there?" Panic clouded his mind and he started to hit the door even harder, hoping to stir something on the other end.

Taking a deep breath, James san Luca closed his eyes and stood still. Why was he even worrying over the boy?

_Because he's just recovering from a bout of depression. Because his guardian/friend just died. Because you've __**seen **__what he used to do to himself. _

Making up his mind, Wolf took a few steps back and berated himself on what he was about to do. Jeez, this will pay later.

He ran up to the door and attempted to kick it in, only receiving a sharp pain in his bare foot. He did the same thing again until the wooden door weakened and gave way, exposing what was on the other side.

"Bloody hell, Cub." He gave a frustrated growl, taking in the blood that practically stained the white polished bathroom and dropped to his knees beside the unconscious boy.

Rolling him over so he was lying on his back, Wolf checked the boy for a pulse and sighed in relief when he found the faint but erratic heartbeat.

Uncharacteristically biting at his lip, he searched in the medicine cabinet for the first aid kit… should he call Snake? He _was _more experienced in medical aid…

Wolf swore as he leaned his hand on the already bloodied and grazed the skin- not enough the draw much blood, but it stung all the same. Placing the scissors on the bloodied sink, he took the small green bag and wet a cotton swab, wiping away the dried blood, being careful not to disturb the already scabbed over wounds.

Once the wound was clean, he carefully wrapped the soft cotton bandages around both wrists, like he had done twice before. Than he sat back and watched the boy. He hadn't stirred throughout the whole ideal.

James knew he hadn't lost enough blood for a transplant or proper medical attention, but he still worried for the boy.

Wolf sighed, standing up and shaking his legs to get the blood circulating again.

Picking up Cub bridal style, he picked his way through the broken door and carefully lay Cub in his bed, glad that he was OK.

Wait.

He didn't actually care for the boy… he was just his guardian… yeah.

It wasn't like he was having paternal thoughts or anything.

* * *

**[1] That's exactly how I felt when my granpa died... he had left for Hong Kong and when he never came back i felt really bad because I was in such a rush for school I never said goodbye.**

**This chapter was hard because I wasn't really in a writing mood and I was trying not to make Wolf OOC. Did I do a good job?**

**I read back on my story (Something I hadn't done in a while) and could read the first eight chapters without flinching... I've really changed my writing style since then and I'm thinking of going back and editing it... what do you think? Or should I just leave it as it is...**

**Heart,  
HadesInkspell xx**


	14. I'm Sorry

**I'm sorry, guys.**

**I didn't want to do this, but I feel a horrible person not.**

**I've been through a lot of change, and I don't feel good writing at the moment. I've felt as if I've lost the passion, and I can't keep on giving you chapters not really worth waiting for because I never put my heart into it, and forced myself to sit down and write something, just because I felt guilty.**

**I'm giving away my story to anyone that wants it.**

**Review this chapter, or PM, if you would want it and a reason. The person with the best reason gets My Tourniquet.**

**Give my poor story a good home! :)**

**I promise to review, subscribe, and favourite if you do decide to adopt.**

**I'm really sorry guys,**

**Hades **


	15. News

**I have good news ****(:**

**I have found a home for My Tourniquet!**

**My good friend Pendragon.P a s s i o n has agreed to continue this poor, abused, neglected fic. **

**Tilley is a GREAT authoress, and I trust her completely. **

**Make sure you check it out when she posts the fourteenth chapter.**

**Hades x**


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